Get a hearing aid
- Person1: Apparently the doctors are going to have to induce my pregnant wife...
- Person2: The doctors are going to seduce your wife?
- Person1: ...
It’s 8AM and I’m at the mall eating Chinese food…I’ve been here since 5.
BlackFridayFail
I just had to explain to my mom what second base was…All I said was “Google it.” She did.
FML
My car smells like spearment and alcohol…there’s also remnants of a bag of skittles all over the ground.
K.M.
look mate, i’m pretty sure 14 texts saying “fuck me. fuck me now” more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
txtsfromlastnight
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
txtsfromlastnight (and Twilight sux)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can’t?
txtsfromlastnight
being gay by definition is wanting his sausage in your donut.
Yahoo Answers
So my girlfriend confused superglue with lube while giving me a HJ…
Actually, it’s not that bad…at least for me. I told her we can just throw a sheet on top of her and head over to the grocery store to buy some beer.
